YSaturday, June 11, 2005
Pissed to death by everything that has been happening in my life.
Hurt receeded and cost me the love that i have always had.
Pain has taken over my angst. I'm not strong enough to go through another phase of this misery.
How long can i be dependable on the people around me?
When will the time come for me to be able to stand on my own?
How can i be so helpless?
What is wrong with the life that I'm in?
I'm not cursed.I KNOW I'M not.
I'm just unfortunate to have such a dominating father, a greedy brother and a mother whose always hurting by the doings of her own flesh and blood.
I'm just lost in the life I'm in-- accepting each miserable achievement and living each day psychoing myself that today is gona be gay.
Its not.
Cause i'll go home to the people whose dragging each day. Thinking that everything is alrite when its not. It really isn't.
Thank God for the gifts i've received.
-Shi Ting...
Whose going through what I am goin through.Whose always there at any point of time.Whose given me her helping hand.Who listens and gives advice at the right time.
Whose always physically there.Who understands and believes in me.Whose never looked down on me despite knowing my true colours.Whom i've made to be an important person in my life.
Whom i noe i will treasure.
-Erwin
My best friend turned Brother..Who noes when i truly need him.Who cares for me unconditionally..Who foresees my hurt and whom i noe i can reach out to. Whose never doubted me and given me the reality check that there's more to life apart from my fcuked up shyt.
Someone whom I'll always look out for when I am both happy and sad.
A brother who i am really greatful to have. A brother I will always care for.
-My sister
The love of my life.The Reason why i'm still alive and learning..My hope for living and being Happy.My Mother, My best friend and My confidante.
Someone who've saw through every hurt, every pain and every suicidal attempt.
Someone who've always been drumming in my head that she's here..that she loves me..that i'm the most important person in her life.Someone that i know nobody else have.Someone i am really proud of having.Someone I noe I'll never lose because she'll always be in my heart.
I love you Kak Long....I promise I won't let you down again..I'm sorry i've been unreasonable..My love for you will never be the same as anyone else.
-My secoond Sister
Kak Sha..
Your presence is like a sun that always brighten up my day..
Someone whom i can totally depend on in any way..Emotionally...For Support..For Understanding..For shelter..For cash flow and for company.
You will always be someone I never want to hurt intentionally.The one who understands where i stand in my life right now..Someone who love me like her real sister..Someone who never limit herself from reaching out to me...
Thanks for comin into my life and my family's...I love you too..
Mummy..I'm sorry I havent been a good daughter.
But it's just the way it is..I don't want you to hurt anymore...
I'll pull through this and make you happy...I will never let anything happen to you.Again.
You're my everything...I promise I'll give you happiness again.
For now..put up with me...U know i love you..
ARGH.fcuk. Now im already talking like im gona die anytime soon.
Bear with me.
I am just so fucked that I put on a facade everyday. That everyone starts to believe what i want them to. That I am so carefree that my life is so fulfilled that I'm the happiest living thing on earth.Well now you know.-I'm not.
Don't be shocked.
It's just who I really am.
.Whacked.
_callous_ was here with you at
